Pushing People Away

It amazes me how many people I know who would rather push people away than work on making any changes that they can to improve a relationship, regardless of the type of relationship.  I guess it’s easier than doing some self-reflection and realizing that you are part of the problem and need to make some changes, apologize, and/or make up for something.  I do understand how hard it is to make changes for the better, even if you do realize that you need to do so.  But why is it so easy to do the opposite and behave even worse, which only pushes the other person away?

I’ve experienced this in different forms over the years, and I feel like I’ve been pushed so many times, that it doesn’t take much for me to push back at this point.  I wish that weren’t the case, but it is.  It’s hard to step back from that, and it makes it even more difficult to take steps in the right direction.  And it’s challenging to refrain from reacting the same way or even worse each time to the same repeated behavior.  Trying to keep motivated to make improvements when you feel like you are the only one who is interested in making the effort becomes difficult too.

It’s definitely easier to blame others for everything instead of admitting that you have made mistakes, have failed at something, or have flaws.  But constantly pointing out the other person’s faults without being willing to admit your own is not helpful.  It’s one thing to discuss how an argument or negative situation began and what contributed to it escalating to help understand what needs to change so that it doesn’t keep happening, but it’s another to just point fingers and be hurtful and not want to admit that you are at all part of the problem.  That doesn’t solve anything, even if it is more one person’s fault than another.  It’s quite possible there is a reason the other person is treating you a certain way that has to do with you.

You can’t want things to get better and not want to do what you can to make that happen.  Sitting around waiting for the other person or people to make improvements is not going to work.  Until you not only own up to your mistakes or shortcomings but do something to change them, things will generally continue in a downward spiral. This is especially true when anyone involved is stubborn, likes to dig in their heels and be right, doesn’t like to compromise, doesn’t like to listen or consider other perspectives, is more concerned about being in control or winning an argument, likes to have the last word, isn’t empathetic to others’ feelings, and is more of a taker than a giver.

If someone really wants to push you away, sometimes you need to get to the point where you let them.  It may be the only way for them to learn the hard way just how important you were to them in the first place.  That may never happen because they won’t self-reflect and see their part, but some people need to figure things out for themselves.  And you may be better off with one less toxic relationship in your life dragging you down.  If you are one who likes to push people away, you need to be willing to take a hard look at yourself and your behavior and realize how destructive it is not only to the people you are pushing away but also because you are alienating yourself.  It’s just as painful and difficult watching someone do this to themselves as it is going through it.  If only more people were willing to put in the necessary effort, even if it means admitting they were wrong, than to just walk away or push others away.

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2 thoughts on “Pushing People Away

  1. Wow, this made me think about how much I have been doing this myself. I never really thought about it before. You’re right, it is easier to just keep pointing fingers than to take the blame for something. Who wants to admit they were wrong? Guess I can be pretty stubborn. Thanks for this post.

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