One of the things that I find most difficult to do is make significant changes in my life. I like stability and predictability, and sometimes it just seems like such a huge effort to do things differently than I have always done them. Even upgrading to some new form of technology can seem overwhelming sometimes. I still have a basic phone, I take pictures with a camera, and I have a very old version of an iPod. So thinking about much bigger changes like moving to a new house, going back to work, filing for divorce, and other things like that are just daunting. I barely have enough time in the day to get to the things already on my plate and don’t get enough sleep as it is. The thought of adding what seems like a huge undertaking to that just doesn’t appeal to me. All I can think about is the increased amount of stress with so many more details to think about and accomplish. Yet, I see people around me who seem to handle these things in stride like it’s all part of a day’s work.
Fear of the unknown is a contributing factor as well. Not knowing if I will spend the rest of my life living on my own or will end up in another relationship and not knowing what my financial situation will be down the road without having been in the work force for a decade and a half are some pretty significant deterrents to filing for divorce. Finding a job needs to come first. Knowing there was someone out there who wants to be in a relationship with me and vice versa would be a motivating factor. That seems to have been the case with several people I know, actually. Sometimes we need to see the light at the end of the tunnel before we can move towards it.
Even looking for a job having been at home for so many years is something I seem to want to put off as long as possible and take baby steps towards, now that the time is coming that I need to think about that. The thing is, once I have made a decision and have done whatever necessary research and mulled it over for a good while (I am definitely not one to make impulse decisions), I tend to jump in and go full throttle, putting a good amount of energy into making the change happen. I just need to get over that hump.
Sometimes part of the resistance to change is having difficulty letting go … letting go of feeling comfortable with the way things are, letting go of emotions and attachments to people and things, letting go of fears and apprehensions, letting go of the feeling of being in control, and/or letting go of the idea that whatever it is can’t be done or it will be very difficult to do. It is hard to move forward when we are holding onto the past. Fear of not being able to handle the change and everything it brings can also be a big road block, especially if the change is not the most positive one, like filing for divorce, or something that we are not choosing or is beyond our control. For some of us, until we get to the point where we know we are resilient and we’ll be able to handle at least the majority of what lies ahead, we cannot move forward. Knowing that the change will bring about more positives than negatives always makes things easier.
Sometimes we just need to get over our fears and take a chance, and even though it will be difficult, stressful, frustrating, overwhelming, or whatever other negative feeling that is holding us back, and just think about any positives that will result from the change we are contemplating. In other words, “You must make a choice to take a chance, or your life will never change.”
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