Winning An Argument

What does it mean to win an argument?  Does it mean you yelled the loudest or said the most?  Does it mean you proved you were right to other person?  Does it mean you were in control of the “conversation” more than the other person?  I don’t think it means any of those things.

Let me back up a little.  I’m not a big fan of arguments, but they seem to happen whether we want them to or not. It’s part of life.  And if you go through life never having an argument with anyone, then perhaps you never felt passionate about someone or something enough to get frustrated or angry.  Although I think having too many arguments is obviously not a good thing, I think arguing on occasion is much healthier than keeping everything all bottled up inside only to fester and eat away at you over time.  It’s a way to clear the air and say things that maybe you have a hard time saying otherwise.  If you are a person who has anxiety over conflict and view arguments in a negative way, then chances are you disagree with me and think all arguments are bad news.

However, if an argument results in one or both people having a better understanding of how the other person is feeling or what has caused them frustration or hurt feelings and there is some sort of resolution, then it can’t be a bad thing.  This can only happen though when both people view an argument in this way and are willing to listen to the other person and really hear what they are saying without being quick to be defensive and are willing to make whatever changes are necessary for the good of the relationship.  The idea is to not only express what is causing the frustration or hurt feelings but to also figure out how to prevent that from happening again (or again and again and again, in my case).  A sincere apology or two is an important part of conflict resolution as well.  To me, winning an argument does not mean that one person can claim they are a winner but that both people are winners because a conflict got resolved.


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